On Friday, day 6 of my week I felt off-balance in a major way, and as if those 6 days had lasted a month or longer, with all the stress and intensity possible in a busy modern life filled with responsibilities. [We start our week Sunday, after our Sabbath on Saturday.] I dared to take my mechanic to small claims court, which was Monday. Not because he’s a bully and treated me to the greatest display of misogyny [woman-hating] I’ve ever personally experienced. No, it was because I was convinced the repair job he’d completed with a 15% increase over the “estimate” [that I saw as a verbal contract between us] did not resolve the issue which plagued my car.
I lost. My alternate mechanic who finally fixed my car successfully, could not make it and I had not hired a lawyer. The dramatics of the “show and tell” and the mechanic repeatedly giving my car one more year of age than it has yet earned, and his heart-rending plea of the magistrate to “please may I go wash my hands of the grease and oil?” all led to the final conclusion; I’d not proven my case, so that I now owe him even more money.
I can’t figure it out. How do bullies live with themselves? But that’s a whole story into itself. The next day, Tuesday, I went to work- a long day. Wednesday; a showing of my house, now on the market for the 3rd year. Let me explain. The first 2 years the realtor had the most lackluster performance, one of those hindsight things. If I placed a notice on Craigslist of an Open House, we were besieged. If I forgot or life got in the way, we were not. Never had anything close to an offer in those 2 years. So this year for the first month and a half I employed a researched strategy to sell it myself. After that time I signed with a realtor I felt had the most positive outlook, and “can do” spirit only surpassed by one other person I’ve known in my lifetime. This showing resulted in an offer the next morning. Did I mention I’d spent 3 hours cleaning a house that has few furnishings, and routinely kept tidy? All this 5 days after it hit the Multiple Listing Service. By Friday night most forms signed, dated, and initialed.
Five days of living through an intense low spot and a most intense high spot. That’s about when I began experiencing a spectacular case of Unbalanced-ness or living in The Twilight Zone as has ever invaded my life. I went for an extra swim and couldn’t stay in my lane, or make my brain rest from all the thoughts swirling around, looping though, driving me batty. So much for my exercise/meditation regimen. I sat on the sofa, watching programs and knitting — and today ripped out all that horrible knitting. I felt lethargic, left dirty dishes in the sink for some invisible person to wash and have yet to go through my work e-mails from mid-week. Yesterday Nato and I went to the movies and lost ourselves for several hours in fantasy land. We then went to the library for more escape. Today I must mow the lawn and finally read those e-mails, but I’m feeling more in tune. I’ve been able to make several pages of notes and lists for the grand process of moving our household several states away with only a month’s notice and that’s if all goes as hoped. The sun is shining, a breeze coming in through the screen door and left over birthday cake and ice cream to keep up spirits.
My recipe for Lack of Balance in my life is to take a day off, get some exercise, find some little treats for myself [and my son who shares my home] which includes HUGS and more HUGS, and remember above all; this too shall pass. I don’t allow myself to feel guilty for that time off, it’s as necessary for my mental health and well-being as today’s cake/ice cream. If I needed 2 days I’d tell myself; Okay, here’s a new day, if you need it for rest and renewal then take it and then GET BACK to your life. Ultimately, for me, it’s all about balance. “Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on.” Go and read the whole of poet Mary Oliver’s The Wild Geese.
One last quote; “Not all who wander are lost.” I truly believe sometimes we can meander off path a bit in order to get back to where we need to be.