This morning I read a post about Emotional Pain and how to overcome. I picked at one point made by the author; Loneliness is a trap… that can push others away… etc, etc. I’ve written 2 comments to the article, and here’s one of them.   PowerOfTouch

[We can be] doing the work on ourselves that needs to be done- and I also firmly, and at bedrock, believe we can make choices.

I believe when I’m in an emotional state I need to figure it out. [1] Where did it come from and why am I feeling this way? [2] Can I find another way to look at the situation? [3] And if I’m feeling bad (angry, upset, sad) what can I do to change that feeling? [4] Can I respond differently in the future if something similar pops up and my reaction is the same?

When I feel lonely I make a choice to get in action; do some art, get out of the house, cook or bake something delicious, call a friend, etc.

So this addresses questions 3 and 4 above; What can I do to change what I’m feeling and can I respond differently next time. To answer question 1 is difficult, question 2 also. When feeling jealous, left out, angry… I’m dealing with my reaction to what I perceive. What if I’m interpreting wrong. Since I cannot read any other person’s mind maybe I can decide to put the focus on me. What do I need to feel well, healthy, strong-er, more complete? And that leads me to the next part of my comment;

When it is a BIG lonely I go visit friend, hug, maybe shed tears, tell stories, laugh together.

When I’m lonely there is a reason. I miss an intimate, loving relationship. When my older daughter was 16 and “dabbling” in sex we took a walk in a beautiful wooded park and I talked about intimacy outside of sex. Intimacy with someone we care about can be a friend, sister or brother, or such and not necessarily a partner.   Choice2-2012

Intimacy can be sharing our thoughts and feelings with this person and feeling rewarded when they understand and expand on it with their own feelings and ideas. That “rewarding” feeling, that sharing, the hug and shedding tears and telling stories and laughing together that I mentioned above [in green text] is an intimacy that for me fills the empty spaces. It reminds me I’m worthy of all those feelings we’re sharing. I’m not as alone as I allowed myself to believe.

My choice is to not dwell on what I don’t have, but find ways to fulfill my needs/wants- in as healthy a manner as I can devise. By exercising the making of choices.

There’s a bit of comment I made on the article from a second site that I want to share, which maybe says this more clearly; Loneliness for me isn’t a trap, but a bit of a warning; to call a friend, get busy cleaning the house, write a blog post, get exercise of any sort. If it feels heavier then I spend time with a friend. Get a hug. Pet the cat. Indulge in tears if so moved, laugh and talk and share stories together. And then the lonely cloud dissipates to leave me/my world sunny again.

My belief; negative or hurtful feelings can be seen as early warning so that we have a chance to change our reactions; get support, move in other directions, make healthier choices. For me living is about making choices that support me– to be the best I can, especially because I have another human being depending on me [Nate the Great, my son with Downs who shares home with me.]

I wish for all of you reading this; feeling fulfilled and cared for while finding the power of making choices enhances your well-being. My best to you, Lauren

Top card saying by Leo Buscaglia; “Never underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”  This card and all my artwork protected by Creative Commons license. Do NOT copy my art. Thanks.

One of my 5 favorite children who is a website designer is working on a complete overhaul of the Esther’s Girls website. The card shown here may be a feature on it. We’ll all have to wait and see what works best. I like the short and sweet sentiment a lot. And I loved Leo B. There’s a great series of lectures on love, but I’ve opted for a shorter lecture below.
I’ve been struggling with an issue that has dogged me for years. What happens when we don’t live up to the expectations that people in our lives have of us? My former son-in-law used to say about when we assume; it causes us to make an ass of you and me. Somehow other people’s expectations should have the same sort of pithy and sarcastic explanation, in my opinion.
What happens when we think BIG, and those around us think differently? Or don’t understand our reasoning? Or just plain refuse to accept us? These are all difficult questions. If we listen to Leo’s lectures, he’d tell us to FORGIVE, to LOVE anyway, to THINK BIG and the hell with them. This is hard stuff. Ultimately, I believe we must learn who we are, how we operate, what our values are, and what we want out of life. When I asked my beautiful friend Sherrie when this difficult self-discovery work will be complete, she answered, “If we’re lucky, when we die.” Why should we work until our death on self-discovery? Why is it so important? Philosophers have pondered and answered this question. For Ralph Waldo Emerson in 1831, in a poem he wrote to know oneself was to know the God he felt existed in each of us. For me; asking the question leads to a magical mystery tour of myself, life , the universe and everything. This last line is my reverence to author Douglas Adams and his book, Life, the Universe and Everything, 1982, and of course, The Beatles.
Have the Courage to Think Big http://youtu.be/0Tpsg0scod4