This morning I read a post about Emotional Pain and how to overcome. I picked at one point made by the author; Loneliness is a trap… that can push others away… etc, etc. I’ve written 2 comments to the article, and here’s one of them.
[We can be] doing the work on ourselves that needs to be done- and I also firmly, and at bedrock, believe we can make choices.
I believe when I’m in an emotional state I need to figure it out.  Where did it come from and why am I feeling this way?  Can I find another way to look at the situation?  And if I’m feeling bad (angry, upset, sad) what can I do to change that feeling?  Can I respond differently in the future if something similar pops up and my reaction is the same?
When I feel lonely I make a choice to get in action; do some art, get out of the house, cook or bake something delicious, call a friend, etc.
So this addresses questions 3 and 4 above; What can I do to change what I’m feeling and can I respond differently next time. To answer question 1 is difficult, question 2 also. When feeling jealous, left out, angry… I’m dealing with my reaction to what I perceive. What if I’m interpreting wrong. Since I cannot read any other person’s mind maybe I can decide to put the focus on me. What do I need to feel well, healthy, strong-er, more complete? And that leads me to the next part of my comment;
When it is a BIG lonely I go visit friend, hug, maybe shed tears, tell stories, laugh together.
When I’m lonely there is a reason. I miss an intimate, loving relationship. When my older daughter was 16 and “dabbling” in sex we took a walk in a beautiful wooded park and I talked about intimacy outside of sex. Intimacy with someone we care about can be a friend, sister or brother, or such and not necessarily a partner.
Intimacy can be sharing our thoughts and feelings with this person and feeling rewarded when they understand and expand on it with their own feelings and ideas. That “rewarding” feeling, that sharing, the hug and shedding tears and telling stories and laughing together that I mentioned above [in green text] is an intimacy that for me fills the empty spaces. It reminds me I’m worthy of all those feelings we’re sharing. I’m not as alone as I allowed myself to believe.
My choice is to not dwell on what I don’t have, but find ways to fulfill my needs/wants- in as healthy a manner as I can devise. By exercising the making of choices.
There’s a bit of comment I made on the article from a second site that I want to share, which maybe says this more clearly; Loneliness for me isn’t a trap, but a bit of a warning; to call a friend, get busy cleaning the house, write a blog post, get exercise of any sort. If it feels heavier then I spend time with a friend. Get a hug. Pet the cat. Indulge in tears if so moved, laugh and talk and share stories together. And then the lonely cloud dissipates to leave me/my world sunny again.
My belief; negative or hurtful feelings can be seen as early warning so that we have a chance to change our reactions; get support, move in other directions, make healthier choices. For me living is about making choices that support me– to be the best I can, especially because I have another human being depending on me [Nate the Great, my son with Downs who shares home with me.]
I wish for all of you reading this; feeling fulfilled and cared for while finding the power of making choices enhances your well-being. My best to you, Lauren
Top card saying by Leo Buscaglia; “Never underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” This card and all my artwork protected by Creative Commons license. Do NOT copy my art. Thanks.