I started my day crying. Thought I would be swamped in despair all day, but I wasn’t. The sun made an appearance this afternoon and I realized as I worked on an art project, I’d given up the gloominess with which I began this morning. I’m grateful it didn’t last.
My middle son who shares home with me has been very volatile lately. His moods come out in a second, no warning, he’s yelling in my face. And then a short while later he’ll be in his room and I hear him chuckling. That little sucker; making me upset as easy as pushing a button, and then he gets over it as quickly as a summer rain, while I’m fuming.
I’m starting a support group and hope to get as much out of it as the other participants, even though I’ll be the leader. I need it. Sometimes I’m so off balance. Tonight I went for an extra long walk, found myself really chugging up the hills. At least now I’m too tired for any strenuous emotions.
Hopefully I’ll sleep well tonight. But if I wake, I lay my head on the pillow my grandson used when he used to stay over, and I fall back to sleep pretty quickly. Without letting myself get drawn into more emotions I’ll just say my grandson was withdrawn from our lives and this adds another layer of pain and grief that I carry around with me.
For tonight I’m playing some solitaire, then off to read my novel in bed before sleep. Everything else is put away. It’s all I can do today.