Today I’m perplexed. I can’t find some supplies I need to finish a project that is really important to me. So I’m walking away – doing something else – putting off the search until later. This approach works for me. Instead I plunked myself down on the sofa, undoing some knitting for a commissioned piece. I enjoy unravelling almost as much as knitting. Odd.
At times it is important to work through an issue in my head, rather than forge ahead without having figured it out completely and with the end in mind. And is this how some people live their lives? A very dear friend finds herself in a difficult situation, affecting every aspect of her life. All her years she lived in the moment – took a great deal for herself and her family and gave a great deal to all; family, friends, community. Yet never could she focus on life beyond the home she cherished and all within and without that made up her world. She never could imagine the “what if’s” happening to her and how it might change her world. Her life now is unsteady, a crumbling of every security she ever had, and an undoing of her world she finds difficult to comprehend, let alone adjust to and perhaps find a different bit of happiness within it.
I have 2 friends who have each lived through their child’s death. In addition, my grandmother lived 2 years past my father’s death; not happily, not at peace. It is unimaginable to me. It is an unplanned and un-looked for event to give every parent shivers if they think on it. And yet we do live through the worst, in one way or another. Or we can die.
Living past cancer, living past the death of a child, living past natural and unnatural disasters. The things that undo us are the things that can create the openings for the most growth – or so I believe.
You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die. Or when.
You can only decide how you’re going to live. Now.
I’m going to continue living both now and with a plan for tomorrow, and with some nostalgia and twinges for the past. Continue writing my stories, knitting together the elements of my life – and continue trying to do what my body – mind- spirit require for my fulfillment. I am choosing how I live.
And I hope for you – that you both knit and unravel – choosing to include both the moment and some plans for the “what if’s” that can and for many, do occur to change our lives.