Very soon the year 2011 ends. Three of my five children have spent the last week here in my home with each other. That’s been great, but I miss the other two, and my grandsons, and far away friends.
There are days I must remember to breathe and let go. So in the midst of one of those “days” last night in a serendipitous moment I met a woman at the Y who is also the mother of a child with Down syndrome. We talked and talked. It was energizing for me. I told her about going to the Down syndrome clinic, and for that one hour I was not only able to feel relieved of my perpetual burden, but I felt like I had something close to a spouse; who took over, if only for those 60 minutes, or 3600 seconds.
This morning I came across this story: county/index.ssf/2011/12/a_washington_county_family_of.html
It is wonderful to be reminded there are truly good-hearted people in this world. Most especially at this time of year, when my middle son looks forward to and expects presents, and I am the the one parent who will supply them. His other parent disregards him. A comment about this situation by an acquaintance in the library; my son’s father be sorry someday. My reply: I believe in karma, and am sure my ex-‘s next life will be something squash-able under one’s shoe. Oh dear, that does sound so… dramatic, self-serving, wounded, mean spirited. Well, yes definitely all that and more.
Here I was going to expound on the theme of “not passing judgment.” Sigh. I am, after all, one person with all the responsibilities for myself, now growing older, my disabled son also growing older by leaps and bounds thanks to his disability. [He is presently almost 30, but I am to regard him as about 45 with all the attendant aches, pains, problems.] And as my grandmother diagnosed a very long time ago; I am a worrier. I worry for each one of my children, for my grandchildren, for myself and my “old” age. Taking stock is such a dreary business. But now I’m over it, having written it out and gotten it out of my system. Today I work on a canvas for an experimental art project I’ve had in mind for some time, that I hope to enter into the local Venus Envy art show. There, cobwebs blown away. The 3 cards shown here were given with love to a dear friend, who gave them back with love and sadness. In her honor I share them with you. And to Jen who I met last night. I wish you all the best and brightest day possible!
From Buddhist monk and author Thich Nhat Hanh: “Smile, breathe and go slowly.”