Sunday, 4th April, 2010
Days, weeks, a month and more.
Busy and yet not; hands work, brain fizzes and sometimes misfires.
Details of each day to be managed, circled, described, lived.
No words to write, only those spoken and not spoken; loudly reverberating in a brain seemingly lost, unable to grab onto now. Fix it. Can’t. Get help. Can’t Get What I Need. Am I asking the right questions? What’s the damn solution to a nagging problem, years and years of it. Doctor, heal thyself. Okay. Change. Change your thinking. Spring cleaning. Plant new seeds. Get out. Move. Create with color with words with intention with love. Create and breathe and be easy. let the change grow within you. let… So, you’re thinking; what on earth is she writing about? What does this all mean? This is my poor attempt at a poetic description of the time since last writing here. In addition to all of the above mishegas, I was away for 8 days. Cousin Matt died. I made the card below and realized it was the kind of joke he would have found amusing. Slightly amusing. His wit was sharp and sometimes even caustic. I can’t do it justice, but I can offer this, my tribute. r.i.p. matty. “No good fish goes anywhere without a porpoise,” by Lewis Carroll. The other cards; top-“To be courageous means to be afraid but to go a little step forward anyway,” by Beverly Smith. And middle card; from Ram Dass, “Be Here Now.” Lately I have been doodling at night with some new black pens (doodles on cards are mine). I bought the pens to treat myself. One can not live on the cheapest food and no extravagances for a year while paying down the old credit cards. (Well okay, there were some used paperback books and an occasional sweater from the thrift store). Purchasing a few items at the craft store made my spirits soar. And I haven’t even opened the package of watercolor crayons yet! Watch this space for it. P.S. Did you find the word “happy” on the fish/porpoise card?

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